How Can We Really Forgive Others?

One of the members of my local Gratitude Group, *Helen, is struggling with her relationship. Her man had sex with another woman, but she says she wishes to forgive him and make the relationship work. She said her boyfriend feels guilt for his actions to the point that it's really eating him up and he sometimes appears suicidal.

All members present gave their thoughts, advice and hugs to her, but somehow I'm not sure she heard what she wanted to hear.

When we forgive, we release the past and are able to move forward in a loving, non-conditional way. This is easier said than done because we are emotional creatures. What may sometimes hold us back though, is our own pain. Notice what those words say? Own Pain. You own it.

True forgiveness requires the non-attachment to the deed. Helen owns the pain because she is attached to the deed. I'm wondering if perhaps Helen is making her man feel guilty for his actions by going through the motions of the pain. Hmmm, let me rephrase that tricky concept.

Helen is angry. Who wouldn't be? Her trust has been betrayed. Does she want to remain in the anger state because it makes her feel better? Anger feels better than sadness, because it's further up the vibratory scale. By making him feel guilty, she is getting acknowledgment of the betrayal. Constantly. She's not going to let him forget this and go do it again. To forgive doesn't suggest that it's ok for him to betray Helen's trust, but it releases them both from the past and allows them to start over and move forward.

It was suggested to Helen that she might be trying to hang on to this relationship because she gets something from it that she can't provide herself at the moment. Maybe this relationship serves her self esteem? If she doesn't keep this man, maybe no other man will come along? Of course that's not true, but in Helen's emotional state she doesn't like the truth. Of course there are men out there who would never stray from her gentle loving arms, given the chance to be held by her.

Helen needs to work on her own self, to make herself emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically and socially complete. Once she's complete, people can enter her life as a complement and leave when they please without hurting her.

Find Your Passion - Live Your Dreams!

*Real names have been changed for privacy reasons.